Monthly Archives: July 2010

Car Shopping

The old Camry served us well over the years, but it was time for something new.

It was full of crushed up Goldfish crackers, stained carpet and several mysterious dents and scratches caused by doors of other cars, fast-driving parking lot attendants and kids’ bikes. On a warm day, it smelled of ripe and stagnant sippy cups from days gone by.

I loved that thing, for it’s utility and utter lack of hipness. It was so vanilla, it was somehow cool. Behind the wheel, I was Clark Griswold, and my ride rivaled the Family Truckster.

She took us on my trips to L.A. and Tahoe, reliable all the way. We joked about the color — the Toyota salesman called it “moonglow,” but it was really just pretty much a metallic beige.

L. and I were dreading the process of buying another car, mostly because that meant we had to deal with people who sell cars. Let’s just say that we’ve negotiated with our share of slithering sidewinders in the past, and we weren’t eager for a repeat.

This time around we chose a Honda, but before we even hit the dealership, we girded for the worst. We devised a plan. If the salesman gave us a hard time, we’d unleash two hungry and cranky kids in the showroom. The kids would in turn cover all the pretty new cars with fingerprints and Pop Tart crumbs. We figured that would lead any salesman to beg for mercy, we’d get the car we wanted be out of there pronto.

As it turned out, things went pretty smoothly, and we didn’t even have to call upon the little ones for help.

This time around, we’re having the car coated with a sealant that’s supposed to protect seat fabric from spilled juice and guard the paint from the corrosive effects of bird poop.

We’ll see. I’m not sure a sealant has been made that can hold up against everyday life with two wonderful but messy kids.

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Groovy!

I’m feeling pretty much like a zombie today and it’s my own dang fault.

I was up late, or early, today with the the undead at the Crest, watching Bruce Campbell’s furious chainsaw in action in “Evil Dead 2.”

It was all part of the return of the Trash Film Orgy, an annual series of midnight flicks so bad that they’re actually pretty good.

This was a story of boy takes girlfriend to secluded cabin, evil trees meet them both and chainsaw meets zombies. Tanker trucks of fake blood were used in this one, and the dialogue is as wooden as the trees are bad.

Not that anything said on screen matters, since the running commentary from the audience during TFO showings pretty much drowns out what the actors say. What matters is that there was movie carnage, and lots of of it.

The best line is when Ash, played by Bruce Campbell, prepares to battle zombies by readying his chainsaw and sawed-off shotgun.

“Groovy!” he says randomly, to wild shouts of approval from the crowd.

This TFO showing was particularly packed with zombie audience members, thanks largely to the Zombie March that made its way from midtown to the theater earlier in the evening.

Before the theater doors opened, K Street near 10th Street was filled with fans made up as pale, wound-covered living dead. There were zombie kids, zombie cheerleaders and a zombie Hansel and Gretel. (This last pair was later dubbed king and queen of the zombies.)

Once inside, it was people (and zombie) watching at its best. There was a zombie trivia contest in the lobby. Winners got zombie candy. Losers were attacked by lurking zombie minions, who ate the contestant’s brain.

During intermission, El Tigre Diablo, the corniest and horniest luchador movie host in town, had the tough job of judging the contest to name zombie royalty. Not an easy task, with so many glassy-eyed contestants to choose from.

When the fun ended at 3 a.m., I was moving as slow as the walking dead. It ain’t easy staying up that late anymore. The good news is that TFO runs through Aug. 14. I can’t wait for Bruce Lee in “Enter The Dragon” on Aug. 7. I’ll be there, hopped up on caffeine, ready for more trash.

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